I came to Delhi in 2010 and stayed for few uneventful years. Delhi wasn’t the place for me, I couldn’t achieve anything there. I perused B.Com for three years, enrolled in 1st semester over and over again. My college attendance was 37%, 14% and I gave up eventually… But it wasn’t a total disaster either. Those three years proved to be an eye opener for me.
While in Delhi, I was quite familiar with the bitter sweet taste of wine, beer and alcohol. For a moment I thought it was cool to have some during late hours. In no time, I started consuming on a daily basis and the end result was to fall in love with rum during winter and beer during summer. I couldn’t part ways with drinking. It was an addiction, and obviously I became an alcoholic. Even the wine vendors gave me credit because I was that regular.
Eventually bite after bite, alcohol started drinking away part of me. I could’t relate much to happiness or peace. I became numb. Love, faith, trust, I lost meaning in life, and left me broken. Some days, I would over drink and challenge God. My question went further and deeper. I wanted to know why God had sent me in this dark world. I became a monster to my loved ones and a burden to my family. My behaviour completely changed. I became unsociable and more or less went off grid. I was cruel, stubborn and disobedient. I thought of myself, and saw no future in Delhi. No semblance for career whatsoever.
I went home to Manipur in search of local job to make a living and stay permanently there. Like any family in North East, I’m dependent on my father, even if I’m a grown man. Since I was practically free at home with no responsibility, the old Delhi friends came calling. I started drinking again, and as you can imagine, life became more miserable. Getting drunk and having dinner together with my family became a routine. I felt ashamed of what I was to my family, neighbors and friends deep in my heart. I was a disgrace, I thought. I was completely lost in my own wilderness.
I thought very hard, wrestled my emotions and beliefs, and finally it dawned on me that life without education was a horrible thing. I reconciled with myself. And to fix myself, I decided to start from the beginning. It was the right way, the only way. I was already 23 then.
I’m thankful in a way that my failures in Delhi taught me to move on in life and try harder never give up. I have now a Masters degree in Geography from Pune Univeristy. I have dreams to achieve more.
Sometimes in life, you will find yourself in worst of situations, but that’s part of life’s journey. I just want you to remember that there’s always sunshine after the rain. After all, a rusted knife which is of no use doesn’t mean it is not made of iron. Rusted or sharpened knives, both are made of iron. Nobody is worthless. We just need to sharpen our rusted knives, I guess.
If you are lost, if you are broken, if you are feeling low, if you are depressed, do remember that God is moulding you and shaping you into a fine piece. He has chosen you to glorify His name. I hope my story would speak to you if you are someone who is lost and broken trying to come home.
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