We weren’t very close, yet there were times when we used to hang out and spend time together under an oak tree. It was just me and her. I was oddly, confusingly attracted to her.
She often confused me with her problems and gave me terrible headache. In fact, her nature of causing problems, situations and confusion, and my inability to find any solutions were the reasons why we estranged our relationship.
Amidst confusion and problems, at times, when I meticulously and patiently dealt with her problems and equations, a trickle of reason and purity seemed to pop up in my mind. She even taught impatient me patience and perseverance. She is more than numbers and problems. She was even beautiful!
However, before I got to know more about her we parted ways. Seven years had passed by and we hadn’t kept in touch. Actually it was me who dumped her. In spite of her tantalizing causal beauty, I could not keep up with her. I thought she wasn’t meant for me.
Years rolled by and I had completely forgotten her. I went to college and made new friends. Some were more attractive, some were less difficult, and some more compatible with my personality and intelligence. But whenever I visited ATM booths, hanged out at restaurants and canteen, I often remembered her.
Our moments together when we were young made me nostalgically calculative. Dividing the equal number of apples among siblings, subtracting how much I had spent from pocket money, minimal amount of interest adding to my account – these silly moments reminded me of her more than any of my new friends.
Lately, I realized not much could be achieved without her. I tried to renew our awkward relations and equations. She hasn’t changed much. She still was the same. With renewed interest in her fractional and calculative attractiveness, I tried hard to reignite the flame of past digital or cardinal bonding. But some things could not be reversed anymore. I have changed! The physical and mental change in me did not appeal her anymore. I realized years had added haze in my learning ability. I wasn’t as agile and adaptable now. She happened to be more difficult for me to handle by now.
Once again I had to say good-bye to her. “I am sorry I took you for granted for so long,” I said, “Fare thee well, O Maths.”
Ngayaipam A Shimray
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